I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
