whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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