omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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