She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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