I just gift wrapped bread.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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