Pappa wants mamma naked
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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