I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
