Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
