The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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