Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So much rum. So many feels.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
