You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
