Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
