Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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