Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
