turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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