K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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