Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
