I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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