I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
