dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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