I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
