I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
