I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
