dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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