wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
