she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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