Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
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he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
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Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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