If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
