Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
