How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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