white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
