Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
