It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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