Yo dont text me then not text me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
