How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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