Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
