She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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