my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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