yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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