Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
