Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
