Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
