there's paper in my vomit.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
