Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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