If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
