i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
