hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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