I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
