My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
