before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
