Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
