Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
