Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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