Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
