North Korea, Best Korea!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize