What a fucking waste of an outfit
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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