Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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