oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
