I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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