y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize