My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
