i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
