im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
