If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
