So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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