bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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