Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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