so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
