I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I love you.
Bad choice
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
