If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We got so high we made milksteak
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
