you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
