Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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