Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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