I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
