I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
