some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
