I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
