and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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