dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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