Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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